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Assalamualaikum

8/11/2013



have you ever felt so lost? empty? alone? and completely give up on everything that is not worth fighting? well yes, i feel you and i cant run away from those feelings sometimes especially bcs im always alone at home. o Allah, im seeking for your bless. if this endless problems and obtacles in life is one of Your plan to make me strong, the please, give me the strength. lead me to the right way. im just a small girl in your world, trying to learn the meaning of life, trying to love someone that can help me to get to your Jannah and trying to change every single bit of me that is so cruel, selfish and annoying to a better one.

the fact that i think everyone (except my bestfriends) is hurting and wants to see me fall and nvr get up again  is just really devastating. tbh, i think im kind of grounded now. i dont even know when will i get my phone back. sorry for those who hv texted me and didnt get any response. i dont know whats happening to my phone and where's it. seriously. uhm. 

girls. they rarely admit if they're jealous or hurting. dont know why? maybe its because they thought after all this time, you'll find out by yourself and know what hurts them and try not to do that ever again. especially when youve done the same mistakes over and over again. dear someone, im sorry im too fragile and sensitive, im sorry i get mad bcs of small things, im sorry. i didnt mean to. but yes, i cant fake a smile forever. its obviously just... a waste of time? maybe some girls fake a smile so ppl wont ask them 'hey, whats wrong?' , listen to their problems, say 'its okay, chill' and then leave. is that how it really works?

im hard to get attached to someone. but when i did, i really dont wanna lose him. but what can i do if we're not meant to be together? maybe. maybe. we're not really meant to be. ok. in that case, fate should step in and yes, i'll try my best to accept everything. What I really learned about life: It goes on. What I learned about love: It doesn't last. What I learned about people: They change fast. Oh and uhm, this week is the saddest maybe. idk why. too many tears were shed. i just spend most of the week w novels and yes, luckily, it works. i seem to forget everything for awhile. i sleep a lot too. and forget to eat sometimes. and this is my new job: my stomach really hurts *sigh. till now. im not really sure what's happening but it feels like gastric but uhm.. more painful? and im suffering this kind of someone-stabbing-at-my-stomach-with-a-knife pain more than 5 days so yes, im kind of afraid. maybe im gonna go to a clinic tomorrow.

Till now, i still remember the quote that my ex bestfriend used to love. "Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs. but it's your choice to either scream or enjoy the ride".


so hey! lets just stay positive aye. 

okay i should stop now. its 1.20am already. bye and sorry for any mistakes ive done! x

note: the song in my blog now is i wanna go by yuna :)